Outlaw Scrabble

I mentioned it in passing, a casual remark without much forethought. My friend surprised me with his response, shocked and critical. How could we do this? It was as if we had elected to walk on the wild side, jump off the beaten path, and plunge down a slippery slope straight into the gates of hell. Okay, I guess there is no easy way to say it, so I’m just going to blurt it out.

We don’t play by the rules! I guess we’ve always been more about the activity than the score. Diane and I usually neglected to keep score when we played on the golf course and when we played tennis. One less thing to deal with, one less thing to get in the way of having fun. It’s the same for us with our favorite board game. We play what I call ‘Outlaw Scrabble.’ Keeping score seemed so tedious that we just jumped ship and kept on improvising to create an adaptation of the game, which we call our own. And why not? It’s way more fun. For us anyway.

I recall playing competitive checkers, chess, and Monopoly as a kid. At the time, I loved them all. But later, Monopoly became the worst. At first, I found it fun to own a utility or two, and acquire and put up hotels on Park Place. But all too often, the dark side of capitalism took hold and the game ended when someone had an explosive tantrum, upended the board, and stomped off. So, not fun. Not fun at all. I later wondered who came up with the game, why it had become so popular, and why I had once liked it so much.

So, we play Scrabble as a collaborative and creative game rather than a score-keeping competitive event. We play often, most evenings after dinner, with wine and music. After over two thousand games, we have tweaked our playbook so much that I feel compelled to explain it. Why? Perhaps you might enjoy playing it our way?

First Tray: We grab seven tiles from the tile bag. If we don’t like the mix or can’t even make a four-letter word, back into the bag they go. If they are all consonants or vowels, back into the bag they go. Whoever is most excited about their first tray goes first.

The Early Game: If the tile bag treats us well, we create long words. The goal at this stage is to develop a pattern that stretches across all areas of the board and provides good opportunities for subsequent words. I call it a ‘pattern dominant variant’ of the original game, as we have already dispensed with tile values and are instead working in concert. We create the pattern together. Our two brains are focused on the same objective.

Spelling: Yes, spelling is important, and we don’t just make stuff up. We used to obsessively check the various Scrabble dictionaries, but too often they disagreed. So, we scrapped that. If the word has a dictionary definition, it is okay. We also include various urban dictionaries.

Unusual Words: Dace is a fun word, the name of a small fish. We always cheer when Dace appears. Bird names are another favorite group. Quail, hawk, towhee, crow, ptarmigan, and others. Quirt is an unusual word, the name of a short whip used in the Southwest. We like unusual words. It makes the game more interesting. Also, it is exciting and fun to place a new word and exclaim, “First time on the board!”

Blank Tiles: We use the blanks to make words that may be missing a letter or two. Okay. So what? Well, we often borrow blanks from each other and then pay back from our next tray. And if someone later gets a letter that the blank represents, they can switch that letter for the blank. It keeps the blanks in play and extends their utility.

Borrowed Letters: As we visualize potential words, we sometimes realize we are missing a key letter. So, we often ask, “Do you have an E?” Or, “Can I see your tray?” As with the blanks, we borrow and pay back. It’s okay. Trust me. After all, this is ‘Outlaw Scrabble’ and the upside is that it enables faster and more creative play.

The SSP: No, we are not overly concerned that the Secret Scrabble Police will be busting in, detaining, and deporting us. At least not anytime soon. But you never know these days, do you? After all, our game play is most definitely WOKE.

The Difficult Consonants: Our least favorite tiles are J, X, and Z. We actively seek opportunities to get them off our trays and onto the board as early as possible. Surprisingly, we also regard Gs and Ms as difficult, an annoyance to be dealt with. Vs and Ks are okay. I actually like Ks and wish there were more than one. While you can spell Risk, Task, and others, you cannot spell Kick, unless you use a blank. And, why would you do that? Really?

The Q and the U: These two can be trouble. We usually prefer to use them together to make words like quark and bisque. That requires mindful placement of the U letters in the early game, leaving room for the arrival of the Q, which is notorious for arriving late. If none of the U letters are any longer available to pair with the Q, we can usually make the default word Qi.

Triples and Triple Doubles: It is not that uncommon to get three of a kind, a triple. That is not helpful. It is even worse when the triple is vowels. We allow the third tile of a triple to be tossed back into the bag and another tile withdrawn. If we get three pairs, well, we deal with it.

Pacing and The End Game: We like an energetic game, where the words flow effortlessly. Getting stuck is a bitch. If the words are long, the pattern is good, and the letters withdrawn are varied, the game can maintain momentum as the board fills. As shorter words find homes in smaller places, the pace often slows. But sometimes it is a race to the finish, the goal to get all the tiles on the board. These days, we always do. 

Unusual Guests: When we took care of our son’s Red-crowned amazon parrot, we occasionally let Rico join in the game. Always gregarious and curious, he often picked up tiles with his beak as he ambled across the board, creating a game-ending mess of scattered tiles. Anything goes Scrabble, I suppose.

Libations: We usually sip the wine that accompanied our earlier dinner. In the winter months, we may sip the occasional single malt. No, we do not get sloshed. That would detract from the intense concentration that we bring to our game.

Musical Accompaniment: We have iPod playlists that accompany our play. At first, we came for the game and played music. Now we come for the music and play the game. Our go-to artists include The War on Drugs and Taylor Swift (our favorite childless cat lady), followed by Tom Petty and Bryan Adams. There are others, but these are the current favorites. We occasionally put on The Traveling Wilburys, Grouplove, Phoenix, M83, Scorpions, and Alison Krauss. In the past, we have enjoyed Birdy and Ellie Goulding. Not all music works. Florence and the Machine is a bit too dramatic, Kurt Vile’s voice is too dominant, and Natalie Prass is too melancholy. Most shoegaze, while great for sketching, is not optimal. If we’re having fun, and the musical vibe is working, we steadily increase the volume as we approach the last tiles. We talk about our favorite artists, often wondering if Adam Granduciel is in the studio working on his next album. We hope so. We’re so ready for it!

Scrabble Talk: My tray is crap! This is so hard! Cool word! It’s my turn! Don’t Bogart the bag!

Political Discourse: None.

Self-Justification: We tell ourselves that we are keeping our old brains nimble. So, fuck the rules! No score keeping, just clever words and pattern management that fills the board until the tile bag is empty. Our game has no losers. Just winners. And, simple fun with wine and great music! What could be better?