No, I am NOT OKAY!

I never needed my morning coffee more than I do now. It helps me armor up to face the future since each day is an exercise in the chaos management of my mind. After Trump’s election, I felt morally and psychically wounded. At the limit of my coping skills, I knew I had to make a change. I immediately began a two-month media blackout to reclaim my mental health. I began sketching more frequently, and then every day. I felt a temporary sense of renewal, a recalibration. I felt somewhat calmer even while burdened with an overarching sense of despair, a dark shroud of grief I feared might never leave.

I called a close relative the day after the inauguration to wish him a happy birthday. As with those in so many other families, a deep wedge had evolved. In polar opposition to my lifelong left-leaning stance on politics, he had gone hard right, self-indoctrinating himself over the years in a siloed echo chamber of extreme right-wing media and podcast pundits. He lives alone and those right-wing characters are the incessant voices in the background of his daily life. I approached the call cautiously, just wanting to convey good wishes. I vowed to simply listen to whatever he wanted to talk about, my gift to him. At the end of the call, as he often does, he could not resist mentioning Trump. He said that the best birthday gift he had received was the election of Trump, whom he called “A gift from God.” He went on to say that Trump will fix everything. Really? Yes. Dumbfounded, I did not take the bait, but broke my  silence to simply say, “Let’s keep track of what happens.” I would not say more. It would not matter. I do not know when we will be in contact again. But I do not look forward to it.

Over the last few years, he has forwarded YouTube videos that he thought I should see, apparently proxies for his own thoughts and convictions. The first was the famous one with the pair of emergency services doctors in Sacramento who were denying the impact of COVID-19. Their statements seemed suspicious, so I systematically examined their numbers, doing the math, and proved them irrefutably wrong. I shared my conclusions with him. And, then coincidently, the video was taken down due to the disinformation it was spreading. I felt validated. Did it make a difference? Not really.

Later, he sent another video authored by a YouTuber who smugly presented a calving glacier as evidence glaciers were not retreating. Surprised by such amateur science, I dutifully researched his examples and talking points and proved his assertions wrong. And, I spoke of my boots-on-the-ground experience in the Cascades having seen the retreat of glaciers I had crossed nearly 50 years ago. Did that make a difference? No. He seemed stubbornly committed to a random dude on YouTube spouting nonsense rather than trusting my own experience as a mountaineer. And, that pattern has continued, sending more YouTube videos that I should pay attention to. It seems to fulfill a need for him. They all convey misinformation. Tired of spending time proving their inaccuracies and misrepresentations, I told him I was done. I encouraged him to be more skeptical and use his own critical thinking tools to examine the veracity of these online pundits. Did I get any traction with that suggestion? No. I did not get anywhere. And, I doubt that I ever will. I fear that he is now lost to me, probably forever.

I have wondered and continue to wonder, how did he come to this? What was the pivotal moment? And what was it for so many of the others? What is it that makes the MAGA faithful relentlessly cling to their beliefs, despite evidence to the contrary? Is it an identity thing? Is it a tribal thing? Is it a need to belong as Maslow proposed in his hierarchy of needs? Or, that once we get entrenched in a belief set it becomes easier to double down than to step back and take a second look. And when confronted with contrary evidence, to vociferously deny it, instead of examining the evidence openly and without prejudice and perhaps finally concede, “I was wrong.” Admitting that one was wrong seems to be an unsurmountable barrier for so many. Many ‘not right-wingers’ have asked and continue to ask the question ‘Why?’ I still want to understand. As if there may be an answer for my relative. An answer that might lead toward a departure from the MAGA cult. Or is his positioning as simple as defiantly choosing to be ‘not like Bill?’ And if that is it, perhaps there is nothing to be done.

After that conversation, in the first days of the new administration, I began to keep track, starting a Trump log, a day-by-day itemization of the blizzard of actions taken by Trump and his minions. Early in week three, I simply gave up. It just was not worth it. The trajectory of chaos and devastation was clear and seemed without end, each new initiative as outrageous as those that preceded it. The trauma just kept on coming. And more disturbing were the opinion polls that indicated that Trump’s MAGA supporters were not shocked. The faithful continued to support their orange messiah, his agendas, and those collaborators and supplicants who would unflinchingly carry them out, no matter the cost. I despaired as each new soul-sucking news blurb arrived. I often felt physically sick and wondered if it was a cancer of my body or my mind. Or both?

It was so sudden. They were everywhere, torching everything, all at once, a veritable tsunami of destruction. What could I do? On Tuesday, February 4, I turned off the news and announced “I feel like sketching a political cartoon.” And, I did, in pen and ink. My quick sketch features two disheveled rockers, Trump and Musk, as ‘Donny and the Musketeers,' singing about wrecking everything. An appropriate title would be ‘Revenge of the MAGA Boyz, World Tour 2025.’ The drawing turned out better than I had expected even though it was my first attempt at cartooning. No, I will not submit it to the Seattle Times and may not even post it elsewhere. But it did help me get some toxic thoughts out of my system, if only for a moment.

Donny holds the mic and sings, “Hack it, wreck it, f**k it. Shut it down for gooood!”

Musk strums his guitar and chimes in. “Fast walk‘in FUBAR, play it again.”

‘Donny and the Musketeers.’ A Project 2025 Production

Am I done with my fledgling attempt at political cartooning? I do not know. There is a treasure trove of wickedly alarming material out there right now. A veritable cornucopia of hellish delights for anyone in the visual satire business. Hieronymus Bosch would feel right at home. Could the wreckage be titled the ‘Bonfires of Democracy?’ Probably.

So… in another cartoon thought, RFK Jr. Is being questioned for potential confirmation…

“I understand you were pulled over near Central Park some years ago.”

“Yes”

“And what did the officer ask?”

“Driver’s license and registration.”

“But that’s not all…”

“He did ask about the dead bear in the back of my car.”

“And what was your response?”

“Officer, I’ve never seen that bear before.”

“But I do want to speak out against vaccinations and professional medical care…”

A Republican committee member interrupts,

“Okay, that is enough. I think we are all done here. And, I see no reason to deny Mr. Kennedy’s confirmation.”

The scene is vivid as I write. And, more crazy pictures keep tumbling into my consciousness. Trump and Elon are depicted as wrecking balls smashing the fabled buildings of democracy to bits. Now that Trump is the head of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts I can easily visualize upcoming performances by Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, and Hulk Hogan. Ugh. The tortuous images seem to have a mind of their own, seeking to permeate my thoughts when I least expect or want them.

And, the joke on us liberals is that so many of the incredibly unqualified, incompetent people that Trump submitted for cabinet positions have been confirmed by the cowardly, brain-dead Republican majority, who have sold their collective souls to a psychopath. Pete Hegseth, Kristi Noem, Tulsi Gabbard, and RFK Jr. are among them. It boggles my mind. What is going on with the Republicans, the abdication of their responsibility to their constituents, no matter what their party? I suppose it makes perfect sense when you consider that the chief qualification of the Republicans and the awful roster of candidates is their unquestioning fealty to the orange one, the narcissistic would-be king. And that their mission objective is destructive rather than constructive, a quest to serve the entitled few rather than the needs of many.

I recall a passage from a book I read recently. It resonated with me and seemed appropriate for the current moment.

During a trip to Independence Hall, Philadelphia… Macon Leary is with his niece Susan, age 14.

“If it weren’t for what was decided in this building.” Macon told her, “you and I might very well be living under a dictatorship.”

“We are anyhow,” she said.

“Pardon?”

“You really think you and me have any power?”

“You and I, honey”

“It’s just free speech, that’s all we’ve got. We can say whatever we like, then the government goes on and does exactly what it pleases. You call that a democracy? It’s like we’re on a ship, headed someplace terrible, and someone else is steering and the passengers can’t jump off.”

“Why don’t we go get some supper,” Macon said. He was feeling a little depressed.

---- A passage from ‘The Accidental Tourist’ by Anne Tyler, 1985

And, then yesterday, February 13, Brian Karem, White House Correspondent, wrote:

“Elections have consequences. Yes. They do. And the Democrats who didn’t vote, those who voted for Trump, and the independents who did the same have all put us in the same boat heading down Class-5 rapids before we tumble over a deep waterfall. We have no oars to steer, no one who knows how, and millions of voters still think it’s a cheap thrill ride at a waterpark.”

What? Well, that seems the norm in the Looney Tunes town that Washington D.C. has become these days. I do not know about you but I can relate to the Zoolander fashion designer 'Mugatu,’ when he exclaims, “I Feel Like I'm Taking Crazy Pills!”

Unsurprisingly, WTF, SNAFU, and FUBAR are the most used acronyms in my current vocabulary. Very annoying and unlikely to change anytime soon. Like the characters in disaster movies often say, “It’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better.”

I have always been an optimist, looking past the roadblocks to figure out how to move forward. But the current situation has me completely stymied. My native optimism is being severely tested. So, what can I do? Well, I wrote to both our State Congressman Adam Smith and our Senator Patty Murray to express my outrage at the Trump-sanctioned, Musk-led data breach of our Medicare and Social Security information. I implored them to take legal action to bring a halt to this nefarious activity and restore the security of our records. Will that make a difference? I do not know.

And, as egregious as the current fragmentation of our democracy is, it is only a small piece of the bigger picture. Not only the future of our hard-fought American democratic principles and rights but the fate of our world, the small, now fragile planet that is our only home. In a race for time where we are already behind, we can ill afford four more years of climate change denial and acceleration of the physical destruction of our environment. Just as I consider Trump a mass murderer for the hundreds of thousands of lives needlessly lost due to his stupidity, denial, narcissistic self-interest, neglect, and bungling response to COVID-19 in its early emergence, I now view him as the most despicably evil person in history, a literal destroyer of worlds. More than an inconvenient truth, it seems to foretell the end of our world as we know it.

So… No, I am NOT OKAY!