It Has to Be Spielberg

“Spielberg? No, he hasn’t called yet.”

“Anyway, his people will probably reach out to my people. Ha, ha!”

“Motion picture or a series? Oh, I don’t know. I’m thinking of a series.”

“No, I have no idea who they might cast. Probably impossibly beautiful people, but earnest and tough with rough edges, like the young Daniel Craig and Scarlett Johansson.”

“Yes, of course, they would. Trust me on this.”

“Absolutely. You should read the original before Hollywood gets their hands on it and some young screenwriter screws it up. Just get it and read it.”

Bill’s fantasy about Spielberg seemed so far-fetched and delightfully silly that I just shook my head. But after I hung up, I thought about it for a moment and took his advice. I bought his book and read it in a flurry of consecutive days, nonstop, savoring each chapter, snickering at the insanely comic moments, and his unsparingly deprecating insights about himself and others. His stories quickly hit their stride with a crazy momentum that propelled the narrative forward. They meandered back and forth in an unpredictable zig-zag path, yet I couldn’t stop reading. Although late at night, I kept going right through the acknowledgments.

Bill graciously thanked his stalwart alpine and outdoor business companions. He stated, “The process of writing has been an interesting conversation, a process of layered reveals as many memories have emerged from the recesses of the distant past, glad to be recognized once again and valued for their rediscovered truths. I am hoping that after reading these stories that many of you will say. “Damn it’s already over. I wanted more!” And if you do, know that I feel exactly the same way.”

I closed my eReader, lay back in my bed, and closed my eyes. I thought he said it well. Very well, for that’s exactly the way I felt. I too wanted more. As I drifted off, I couldn’t stop thinking about Bill’s friends and their crazy adventures both heroic and foolhardy, as my subconscious mind filled with colorful moving images.

Other readers also wanted more. We all clamored for it. We’d impatiently ask, “What’s next?” We hoped that someone with imagination and resources had the creative energy and resolve to bring Bill’s friends and their stories to life in some form of dramatic cinematic experience. In my mind, the adventures would most benefit from the big screen, but that’s just me. In any case, the production designers and director of photography would have a wonderful opportunity to create a visual feast, the likes of which would hold audiences spellbound, with jaws agape from scene to scene, from the curious first chapter to the final credits.

Well, that conversation seemed so very long ago. Yet we continued to wait with bated breath. Bill’s unusual 70s-era memoir continued to garner more than its fair share of media attention and praise. Readers simply loved it. And that’s an understatement. They’d share their favorite stories on Facebook, often exclaiming, “I laughed out loud. I couldn’t believe it, and yet I totally believe it. So funny!” Even the silly catchphrase, “Throw in a short block” entered the popular consciousness. You heard it everywhere. Most often whenever someone suggested something ridiculous, a notion that had a high likelihood of going sideways in an endearingly funny way.

Fans of the offbeat book continued to ask, “Why is it taking so long?” With the mixed bag of recent Oscar nominations behind us, we turned our speculation to proposed and upcoming projects. The still rumored film adaptation of the hilarious mountaineering memoir, ‘Banquet of the Infinite,’ came to mind. Many wondered who would be cast as Edwards, the romantic alpine dreamer. But more attention was focused on the mercurial Svengali, Nicolai. Who would play this egotistical yet endearing, fearless leader of all things rock, ice, and snow? And what of their colorful, quirky companions? So far, all was shrouded in secrecy. At that stage, we could only wait and wonder.

Yet there we were, months on, with no confirmed studio commitment to the rumored ‘Banquet of the Infinite’ project, be it a movie or streaming series. And yet, the rumors continued to swirl around who would play the leading roles. Many speculated an ensemble cast to assume the quicky characters: Edwards, Nicolai, Z-man, Pete ‘The Cheese,’ the wild-haired Fielding, Nordic Denny, Roy ‘The Boy,’ the innovative Schonhofen, the irascible Rainer, and the barefoot hiking sensation Larry Horton. Then there was the endearing factory crew, Pat, Betty, Max, and Ernie, who wore silver shears upon their chests. And, let us not forget the essential ‘adventure girls’ the gritty, sassy, and oh-so-capable young women who frequently accompanied the boys on their mountaineering adventures. Unsurprisingly, Judy, Lara, Pam, and Diane all received more speculation than the guys. Their inclusion was not only foundational as complex characters in their own right but also as comedic foils for their male companions as they quested forth toward their testosterone-fueled alpine mishaps. So, who would play these daring, intrepid young women? This was an enduring question that we all wanted to be answered, the sooner the better.

The distinctive roles would demand much from the entire cast. How could they effectively portray both the external and internal lives of these complex characters? And, they’d obviously need comedic talent and the physical wherewithal to scale granite peaks while making it look easy. And, those peaks would challenge the film crew as well. I didn’t see those scenes filmed against a green background on a soundstage somewhere in England or New Zealand. It’s going to take real mountains folks, and the actors will need to practice their hand jams, ice axe skills, and rope handling to make their moves absolutely convincing. Perhaps a few young leading-edge climbers should be considered. Would it be easier for them to achieve acting skills than actors becoming adept climbers? I don’t know. It was something for someone else to ponder.

Despite the rampant speculation on social media, choices for the male characters were still not obvious. Unsurprisingly, many fans had already proposed Aubrey Plaza for the spicy redhead Lara. While there were many comely and athletic young actresses who might play the others, most fans eschewed the Hollywood regulars. Some ardently proposed lesser-known actresses from Canada or Australia, and yet we noticed no overwhelming consensus amongst the fans. The casting crew would have their hands full unless they had some unusually inspired notions, which I counted on. All of us desperately wanted the stories to meet and surpass what we imagined they could be, with actors and actresses that brought them to life with such an endearing authenticity that we couldn’t help falling in love. We’d just have to wait and see.

Where would it be filmed? If the powers that be remained true to the book, the choices were obvious. In the actual places where the stories occurred, Washington’s Cascades, the Sierra, the Wind River Range, and the Tetons. Of course, the budget might require some consolidation of the mountain venues so the cast and crew wouldn’t be traveling excessively. And, let’s not forget the weather. It wouldn’t act on cue. Sometimes they’d need bluebird days and other times those unforgiving, yet cinematic, mountain storms. It was no easy task. And what about luck? They’d need lots of that. Oh well, the location people and the DP would have to figure it out.

The sets would present an intriguing opportunity to take the ‘Wayback Machine’ into the mid-70s, to a much simpler time, providing ample opportunity to make each location distinctive and memorable. Hopefully, their designs would be so well rendered that the sets become charming characters in their own right. What a terrific opportunity for a set designer! I thought of the former family grocery store on Queen Anne, home of the Early Winters shop and the Alpine Guild, Flatland Packworks’ diminutive space next to the Hasty Tasty on the Ave, and the old country church in Victor, Idaho, the curious location of the fabled Rivendell Mountain Works. There were few photographs to work from, save the church. But truly inspired designers would bring the author’s descriptions to life with busy, beautifully cluttered sets.

While casting speculation continued at the forefront, other questions still remained. If the book is not adapted as a series, how would all those stories fit into a single feature film? Hmmm, no easy answer. But what to cut? This commentator suggests none! I submit that the stories are all so funny they have to be included. I say we should consider a trilogy or a quartet of films, and even a prequel to give full rein and allow the stories room to breathe. Am I right?

“What a minute. Is that my phone?”

“Bill, is that you? You got the call? Are you serious? Yes. Okay. They’d like to option ‘Banquet of the Infinite.’ Did I hear that right? Yes, I understand that you’re interested. They want you to meet with Steven? Of course, you said you’d be happy to ‘take a meeting’ with him.”

“Roger Deakins too? You say he’s already envisioning scenes? You may not know it, but I absolutely love his work. And Steven’s too. Yes, I’ve seen most of them. Liked them all. ‘Close Encounters’ is my favorite, and ‘The Adventures of Tintin’ a close second.”

“What? Harrison Ford read it too? Wow! He’d be awesome in it if only he could have done it back when he first played Indiana Jones. Darn! Well, I am gratified and impressed that he likes your book enough to mention it. That’s really something.”

As we talk, I muse to myself that I’m super glad that Spielberg is undeterred. Bill’s book doesn’t fit neatly into a pre-ordained niche. It takes a truly creative and adventurous thinker to acknowledge that and forge ahead with a vision of what it could be. I always considered him that kind of guy, unconventionally creative. I know some will argue with me about that but to hell with them. I keep listening to Bill.

“They want you there tomorrow? Well, you just have to do it! Get on that plane. Don’t hesitate. Yes! Time waits for no one. Tempus fugit my friend. Might as well get the proverbial alpine start. No, I agree. Yes, completely. You definitely lucked out. No, I can’t think of anyone else better to make it. Keep me in the loop. Okay, later.”

I hung up, exhaled, and hoped for the best. Bill is a hopeless romantic and truth be told, a bit naïve. I didn’t want to see his work mangled by some studio money man. So, I took heart that it was Spielberg. That reassured me, a lot. I figured that if anyone could make ‘Banquet of the Infinite’ fly, make it soar with golden wings, he was the one to do it. I crossed my fingers and poured myself a Scotch, the Macallan 12, Sherry Cask. Seemed appropriate.

Months passed, and filming finally began. The location shoots were as much an adventure for Bill as his first exploits in the mountains and the cottage industry outdoor business. Unlike what he might have expected as the original writer, he was invited to participate. What? That just doesn’t happen. When is the last time anyone heard of a writer going on location? But there he was, with everyone making him feel included and valued. He even had his own director’s chair with his name stenciled on it. Ridiculous but true. He traveled to the original mountain venues with cast and crew and savored the wild places and unpredictable weather all over again. Spielberg, ever the perfectionist, even occasionally asked Bill for his thoughts on the climbing scenes as he wanted to get it right, period correct. And Bill was also given free access to everything. He could come and go as he pleased and he took full advantage of it. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but somehow that’s how it was.

The entire cast was comprised of fresh new faces. They all seemed well suited for their roles and eager to imbue their characters with the raw energy and power of youth. They certainly seemed to have the potential to transfix and delight audiences of all ages. Bill had many great conversations with the talent at the craft tables. Incredibly, all of the actors and actresses had actually read the book before they tackled the script. They’d fallen in love with the stories and their characters. There was something about those stories that really resonated with people.

During the course of the shooting, mostly in between takes and at the end of the long days, Steven and Bill bonded over more common childhood experiences than either could ever have imagined. Crazy right? Of course, Roger and Bill became fast friends, even though Bill’s still photography was as child’s play compared to Roger’s extraordinary mastery of the cinematic medium. Roger shot everything digitally, often using the innovative ARRI Alexa Mini, the tiny carbon fiber titanium-bodied camera, selected specifically for the technical climbing scenes.

The days passed with the usual challenges and reshoots, but time never dragged. Every day an adventure. And, as with the adventures of his youth, Bill lamented that it was over way too soon. You could tell that they all felt that way. On the last day on the set, Steven encouraged Bill to stand up and announce, “It’s a wrap.” They all laughed and hugged and said their heartfelt farewells.

Bill called me later and over dinner told me stories of life on the sets in faraway locations. At times he paused and seemed lost in a wistful trance as if he was still there in the wild outback with a bustling film crew and committed actors. As a lifelong film buff, he clearly loved the experience. He raised his glass of Pinot Noir and exclaimed. “What a wonderful group of people. I couldn’t have wished for anything more. I will forever hold them dear in my memory.” In that fleeting moment, I felt my eyes get a bit moist, so happy for my friend.

The digital files were now in the hands of the editors. From time to time, I thought about them and wondered what scenes would survive and what would be cut. In my mind, I could see them reviewing clips and deciding what to keep and what to leave behind. I had no idea how much they were working with. I had just heard that it was a lot.

When ‘Banquet of the Infinite’ finally arrived at the multiplex, I was there, standing in line to see it on the big screen. I couldn’t wait for streaming. And, despite my trepidation, the film didn't disappoint. It was actually damn good, just like the reviews. Besides the accolades and obligatory criticisms, the pundits all speculated about the release dates of the sequels as they had all been filmed at the same time. They too clearly wanted more. It was a common theme.

What seemed like interminable months later, I sat on my couch, staring at my flat screen, and hoping that our dreams could indeed come true. I drifted through the talky monologues and impatiently waited. Then, I heard it.

“The award for Best Adapted Screenplay goes to ‘Banquet of the Infinite.’ And, here to accept the award is Steven Spielberg.”

Steven gave a charming speech and at the end held up his Oscar with words of thanks and a salute to Bill for capturing the amazing stories that led to making his now favorite film. I’m not kidding. Later that evening, ‘Banquet of the Infinite’ would capture awards for Best Actors and Actresses, Director, Cinematography, Production, and Movie. The Grateful Dead heavy soundtrack achieved a nomination but did not win. And the scruffy outfits of the climbers did not even merit a nomination for Costume Design. To say that I was both surprised and elated would have been an understatement. I picked up my phone and called Bill. And as I expected, he too was euphoric! He felt no small amount of satisfaction in finally telling the adventure stories of his youth and having them writ so large on the big screen. They were now part of the larger consciousness and would live forever. So, I guess, sometimes dreams do come true!

Brrrr… Brrrr… Brrrr… Brrrr… Brrrr…What the hell? Fuck!

God that’s annoying. I really, really hate that alarm!

As I rolled over and pulled the covers back over me, the colorful images of celebration gracefully receded from my mind as ephemeral as wisps of smoke, soon to be replaced with the irrepressible bright sun of the new day. I couldn’t stop it.